W.O.W., as an adult, unlike a child, we have the ability to overcome loss in a mature way. Our minds are developed and we go through the grieving process. There are seven steps of grieving that we as adults follow. Not all of us follow it in the same order but basically it is pretty much text book. Not all of us manage to do it in the same time frame unfortunately and some of us take longer than others because some of us are more sensitive, had a stronger relationship with our own particular loved one than others, or are just plain subject to different variables and everyone grieves in their own way. But eventually we get to the point where life goes on and we realize that we have to accept the unacceptable and we are comforted by Hashem and his goodness and our emunah and bitachon return and with it a huge relief and comfort.
This of course is different than what a child goes through in this parsha because dying is a part of living. It is part of the cycle of life and it can be expected. Unfortunately what our children go through with the hypocrisy that they are exposed to is not to be expected, should never be expected and they should never be exposed to it. Ze lo b’derech hateva. It is almost l’havdil like losing a child. Can a parent ever c”v get over losing a child? Can a child ever get over having the one thing they were sure about be ripped out from right under their feet? A Rosh Yeshiva who was supposed to make them “lek Honik” in regard to yiddishkeit made them feel like they were swallowing bitter herbs. A Rosh Yeshiva who was supposed to guide the entire hanhallah in caressing a talmid’s cheek with a gut vort and encouragement, instead slapped him across the face until it burned with humiliation.
Can you imagine a child davening each morning with Kavana that the Rosh Yeshiva would love him and treat him with kindness, warmth and generosity so the other talmidim would follow his lead? Only to be humiliated by the Rosh and then have the children taunt him over and over again? That is a living nightmare. This is the “HEAD”, who gets all the kovod and honors. Who everyone respects. In the yeshiva and community he is the head honcho, “THE” authority, almost G-d like. Isn’t he “tzelem elokim”. He is as close to G-d as a child can imagine at that age. And instead of being the kind, loving and generous G-d, he is mean, disrespectful and humiliating. Everything that goes against Torah guidelines and principals. HE is a hypocrite as is everything he represents. And Hashem himself is allowing this to happen, Hashem does not answer his prayers and does not do anything to stop this from happening to him. He is in this alone without any support or back-up. Where is his backup? Who is there to rescue him or to guide him through his trouble. Where is even one Rav to sit with him and tell him it will be ok, the R”Y is wrong, he will help him through this, Hashem has sent him as a sheliach to guide him to a better situation? Where was his lifeline?
W.O.W. can you understand why he lost his faith? Why he is lost?