Just to re-iterate a point that has been mentioned a few times. Lephi aniyus daati the answer to the question asked at the chasuna (a few posts ago) – what is going on? Is that if shamayim (ruchniyos… whatever you want to call it) is painted in such a demarcated gridlike fashion that you absolutely have to fit in in a very particular way to be called a good person, then that will drive away normal children who simply don’t relate to / can’t relate to such a circumscribed mode of existence.
I am not offering any solutions becuase I don’t have any, but I am absolutely convinced that that is the answer to ‘what is going on’