I understand that this is virtually impossible for a caring and loving parent to do…but you must be able to “deal with with life on it’s own terms” (which is the idea behind Din shebi’Chesed…but that is another discussion) Lot ran from Avraham straight to…SEDOM the nerve center of Din, and then he decided to become a dayan! He ran from chesed because it was smothering him. When the angles came to him, he begged them not to take him back to Avraham. Chesed in its purest form is not good (the act of a man who sleeping with his sister is referred to as chesed!) You can not smother (i know you dont mean to, but try to see it form his vantage point, as krum as it might be) him with love and expect that to help. He must come to it (what ever that is) on his own terms…be there for him when he is ready, but recognize that you can not control this situation.
As painful as it may be, and be assured it will be, your only job is to be there for him as he comes along. This is not something you or any Rabbi can control…HELP but do not control.