You didn’t mention that you had lived in Israel. Was he there too?
How old? Sometimes, as you mentioned growing up in a frum-charedi community can be very demanding from a child. They see to it they aren’t allowed to do what they want as a kid. Hopefully, his friends aren’t doing drugs (I was talking drugs being the norm for GOYIM) But, there are a lot of JEWISH rap groups out there. Ever heard of Black Hattitude? It’s a great rap group -I know the singer on it personally from yeshiva. And has kept me going, even in my late years. I notice yitzyshalom has some of the same ideas I had.
Giving him space, and yes, you mentioned – you do. Is great!
If he feels rabbonim have failed him- then why force another rabbi to give him advice? Perhaps, there is someone well-connected in the community he can talk to? A frum doctor?
A close-friend? Someone who he knows he can talk with full confidentiality? You say he is full of hate towards rabbonim…
how so? Why does he hate them so much?
Are you able to talk to him one on one? Is your husband able to talk to him? Does he have a connection with either of you?
You say he blames you for being too charedi and pushing your lifestyle onto him? Perhaps you can allow him to choose a yeshiva that he thinks he would like to go to. Somewhere which he would feel more comfortable with! Give him options! If giving him space isn’t helping. Let him CHOOSE where he wants to go. Tell him, you were looking online and found a bunch of places for the summer he might like to attend and check it out. Tell him it is HIS CHOICE.
But, that he has to make a choice. Now is getting close to bein hazmanim- there are a lot of NCSY camps and other such camps- I’m not familiar with all of them- that can help allow a kid be who he is in a Torahdi’k setting, and for him to chill out also.
Perhaps, over camp, he can grow in a less-stressed out setting than a yeshiva and maybe he will meet friends who will help him get back on track for the new zman.