Reply To: Going off the Derech

I’m going to try to clarify a few points to everyone who wrote. First,I would think it’s obvious, although maybe it’s not, bc so many of you think that I feel that clothes are more important than my son. My son is more important than the color of his clothes, the neighbors, his profession, his religious connection and anything else. Zahavasdad-I know that jeans are not assur, but I think some of you, except far east, are missing the point. If you were in the army, would it be okay to tell your superior that instead of the green army uniform you are expected to wear, that you are wearing a red shirt with bluejeans instead, bc you don’t like green? Or that you want to wear the uniform of the parachuter when you’re in the marines? Where we live, in our community, in our schools, this is the dress code. My son wants to go against that norm, and whether I like it or not is not the point, whether it’s right or wrong is not the point. That would be a different conversation. I know that Hashem isn’t going to care about what color shirt my son wore. I am only pointing out that, IN OUR COMMUNITY, he is joining the dress code of the STREET KIDS which is a statement about who he is and how he sees himself. That’s what bothers me. It doesn’t mean I think his clothes are more important than him. That’s rediculous. If we lived in a mixed community, it wouldn’t stand out and have the same impact.

Ezrat Hashem-my identity is not on the line, like my son’s is, so I don’t care as much about what the neighbors think of me. I do worry a little about how it will affect my other kids, not bc I don’t care about my son, but bc the REALITY is, that whether or not it’s right or wrong, whether we like it or not, people will treat my kids differently, or make comments that might be hurtful.

You know, we don’t live in a perfect world. And mashiach hasn’t yet come. Sometimes, out of fear, people make strong separations based on seemingly insignificant things, like wearing a blue shirt. I remember a few years ago, my friend’s daughter didn’t get accepted into THE #1 Beis Yaacov, bc someone saw the father cleaning their yard wearing a blue shirt instead of a white one. It’s crazy, right? I agree with you all on this! I’m not condoning any of this meshugas, and I wish it weren’t so. But it’s the reality I live in, and I’m just trying to deal with it.