Reply To: Going off the Derech

Ezrat Hashem-I agree that he probably wants our approval despite his ‘different’ behavior, and is testing his limits. But I don’t see how he could possibly care about not hurting us when dafka that’s exactly what he’s trying to do!

You are right that seeing him do things we may not approve of, could be devastating to us, even though we don’t want to be naive. And I was a little bit worried about what my husband’s reaction might be. Up until we saw him, I talked to my husband all the while about remaining in control of our emotions, no matter what. But in a way, I’m glad that I saw that he still has access to a computer outside the home, bc I’ve been naively giving him my computer all this time, thinking it would keep him away from the chevra and their unsupervised use of computers. I’m not sure if I did the right thing, but I told him later at home, that he could no longer use my computer bc it seemed he was getting access somewhere else. My husband doesn’t agree with me at all, but part of me (a small part) wants him to (by default) sit in his situation and see if that’s really where he wants to be, without any of our interference. I think he has already damaged himself with the internet, and I did try talking to him about that, and the smoking. He told me he actually felt badly about blowing the smoke in my face, and said he knows he shouldn’t really smoke, but he’s already been doing it for a while. For some reason, he just really wants to be accepted by this ‘chevra’ of lost souls.

BRAINFREEZE- thanks for your input and advice, I will keep it in mind.