Reply To: Going off the Derech

Imaofthree-thank you so much for your support. It’s good to hear that there can be a good outcome on the other children when keeping a troubled child at home. The natural reaction is to think that all the other kids will follow the OTD child, but your other children saw your heart, and that must have been the louder message. I really wish my son would be receptive to a ‘big brother’, or a counselor. But he adamantly refuses to talk to anyone. You are right, that an OTD child is suffering and in pain. It’s just frustrating as the mother, to have to sit back and not be able to take away that pain. I can only show patience, love and validation (while davening for him, of course) while he somehow finds himself and his own cure.

EzratHashem-you are right that there are issues with the siblings as a result of the OTD child. One of the biggest problems is the anger and its affect on the family. My kids become fearful and tend not to see their brother in a good light when that happens. On the other hand, they feel that he gets special treatment bc I “let” him do things that I don’t let them do, like use the computer every day. It’s so very hard, especially bc of the diverse ages of my children, they all probably see things very differently. My younger children always looked up to their big brother, and they must be confused now. I will try to make it a point to connect with each child separately about this to assess their understanding and to support them