“The problem is, no matter how beautiful the Shabbos table is, we can’t compete equally with the stimulation and excitement kids get from computer games and videos.”
If you look at it this way yes, I agree. However, I dont agree that computer games and videos should be the primary source of enjoyment and stimulation for children of any age. When they dont have these available, they will be miserable and bored, not just on shabbos and yom tov. I believe it is a complete abdication of parental responsibilities to relegate stimulation and enjoyment to computer games and videos, especially when the parents are unable to replace computer games and videos when they are unavailable (shabbos for example).
“A really good dvar Torah is no match unless the child is thrilled learning Torah to begin with.”
I disagree. I child who is used to being stimulated by using his or her brain will be perfectly happy to be asked a question at the shabbos table and be quite happy to get involved.
Children of all ages who are used to being entertained, expect the same at the shabbos table or in shul, or will grow bored. Jumping around like a frog explaining the makkos might help for a 6 year old. Your 13 year old will yawn and walk away. If it happens often enough, they wont want to come altogether.
I believe I wrote this earlier in the thread, generally speaking, kids dont go off a derech they are happy with. They either leave because they are unhappy with the path they are currently traveling on, or because the path is so boring, confusing or filled with hypocrites they seek another.
I dont know you or your son and will obviously not comment on what, how or why in your particular situation, but I am willing to bet that if your son saw you enjoying yiddishkeit it will have an impact on him sooner or later. Perhaps have your husband arrange to have a chavrusah with someone at 3am so that when your son comes home from wherever, he sees him learning enthusiasticly. Perhaps he needs to see the rest of the family eagerly anticipate going to shul or eating a shabbos seudah. If he sees the rest of the family eagerly anticipating something, he might eventually be tempted to join the excitement.