Reply To: Going off the Derech

Baalsechel, I wouldn’t agree to the internet if I give him a computer, but you’re right, I can’t guarrantee he will keep his word and stay away from the chevra.

adams- I’ll tell you the truth, I don’t really know what he is doing on the computer. He doesn’t have internet, but he has his MP4, a disc on key, and an external hard drive. He says he’s ‘trying’ to organize and erase some of the stuff on there. I may be naive when it comes to these things, my fear is that he gets things elsewhere, and then puts it on his MP4 somehow, but he practically swears that he’s really trying to get rid of some of the stuff. I’ve been a little lax with him bc I figured, without internet, he can’t really be accessing anything horrible. By the way, he still begs me everyday for the computer. In some way, this is perhaps my only leverage.

Soliek- “You can set guidelines, and expect him to adhere to those guidelines (be reasonable but firm with them) but love him even if he breaks those guidelines.” My question is how to enforce he adhere to guidelines?

EzratHashem – I’ll tell you, I think it was a “lifeline” that I could turn to the internet blog for support, and I’ll tell you why. I can’t disuss this with my friends for a number of reasons. One is fear, mine and theirs. My fear of their reaction, and their fear of me and my famiy as a result. People do look differently upon families with kids otd, and my community is no exception. It’s not right, but it’s the way it is. Perhaps it’s unconscious, or unintentional. When I started going through this, I was completely alone. I still feel alone, except when I go to this blog! I’m also still hoping my son will come back, and I don’t want them to think badly of my son. Maybe he’ll “come back” before anyone notices.