Question: Are we being selfish when we bentch someone that he should live ad meah v’esrim? Should we rather wish for him that he [R”L] be killed by terrorists for being Jewish?
No.
Nor are we being selfish if we daven that someone’s suffering be alleviated, or do something tangible to help someone. This is despite the fact that we know yissurin are a tremendous kapparah.
Nobody claimed that someone did or should daven for someone to die.