Once a budget is agreed upon, I think you should divide the leftover dollars into two places:
Discretionary spending money for each of you (for the occassional wants) and a savings account (for long term emergencies or anticipated expenditures) in a bank that’s not easily accessed, that you both agree upon.
The portion of discretionary funds you each receive should be allowed to be spent without questions or evaluations. She wants a facial and has money? Her choice.
You want tickets to a ball game or a new tie to add to the tons you have already? Your choice.