GAW: “The parents or the children? I get the children not following the rules, but I’m uncertain why the parents have rules (not related to their conduct in school). Your example of covering hair: If her Rov said she doesn’t have to (my understanding is that is not uncommon), what does the school care?”
The extent to which the schools should look at the parents (if they should look at them at all) is a complex issue. If a kid is starting high school and the kid is herself a great kid who is willing to comply with the school’s standards, then in most cases, it would probably make sense to accept the kid even if the family doesn’t comply by the school’s standards (although it might not be simple in high school either)
However, I was speaking of elementary school, although that might not have been clear. Most kids start elementary school at around 5. At that age, it’s the family that counts, since the kid is not independent of his family yet. I think you would have a hard time finding a family in which the mother doesn’t dress tzniusly, but the 5 year old kid does. (and if you found such a kid, I’d be a little nervous..)
When a kid is 5 years, you have to assume that he is a product of his home. Additionally, the other kids in the class are going to be going over to their friends’ houses, and their friends’ parents will be their role models on some level, and they will be exposed to the things in their friends’ houses. So yes, the kids’ parents have to be in the same general ballpark as the other kids’ parents in the school.
Personally, I was very happy when this lady told me that a certain school didn’t accept her kids, because I have a relative who will be attending that school. It is a somewhat more modern school and not a Bais Yaakov. On the one hand, I am happy that my relative is not going somewhere much more Yeshivish than her family because I don’t think it would be good for her, but on the other hand, I am glad that this school was Frum enough to not accept the children of a lady who looked like this one did. My relative’s mother does not dress or act that way; she should not be exposed to a parent body like that.
Re: divorced women covering their hair. I don’t know what most Rabbanim say. I am under the impression that most divorced women do cover their hair, or at least the ones who are on a certain religious level.I think it is generally done for the chinuch of the kids whether or not it is necessary according to strict halacha. I certainly think it is reasonable for a school to have such a standard. The school has a right to say, “if you want to send your child to our school, do x,y,z. If not, send him elsewhere.” The parent has the choice.
In terms of this lady, I don’t think the only issue was her uncovered hair. She was dressed very untzniusly and the way she was acting was untznius and inappropriate as well. I was quite relieved that she is not going to be my relative’s role model.