Top ten ways you know you are on a bad date:
10. I am so not getting onto OnlySimchas.com with this guy/girl
9. Please Please Hashem, let there be no one here I know
8. That’s so weird, this ceiling has 48 tiles. Unlike the floor which has 47.
7. I now realize that “being set up” can mean two different things.
6. I’ll just spell “help” out with my utensils and maybe someone will understand.
5. I miss work.
4. Yisurin shel ahava… Yisurin shel ahava
3. If I call myself on my cell phone, will it ring?
2. This girl/guy puts the “uch” in shidduch.
1. I will never ever trust my mother again
Top ten signs you are in Brooklyn:
10. You find yourself waiting on line to get into ‘standing room only’ at Dougie’s on Motzai Shebbos.
9. There are no Starbucks or Barnes & Nobles in sight. There are, however, 5 kosher pizza places within a three block radius.
8. The “Kosher Gym”- need I say more?
7. The only person to respond to your “Good Shabbos’s” is the guy asking for change on the corner.
6. Every other car on the street is a BMW/ Lexus leased from “Malcar”.
5. There are at least three shuls/shteibel’s on every block, but the one you daven at, is five blocks away from your house.
4. You can find a maariv minyan at 12:27 a.m., and then satisfy your midnight craving at Bissele’s the Shnitzel king or Deli 52.
3. Every bakery/ and restaurant requires at least three hashgacha’s.
2. Finding a parking spot on Ave. J or 13th Ave on a Friday afternoon is your week’s biggest triumph.
1. Chicago? Is that the state near Baltimore?