America, Israel and Poland are sending up a two year shuttle mission with one astronaut from each country. Since it’s going to be two years up there, each may take any form of entertainment weighing 150 pound or less. The American approaches the NASA board and asks to take his 100 lb. TV and lounge chair. They approve.
The Israeli astronaut says, “I’ve always wanted to learn Shas. I want the 150 lb. Artscroll Shas to learn with.” The NASA board approves.
The Polish astronaut thinks for a second and says, “It’s gonna be two years up there. I want 150 pounds of the best Cuban cigars ever made.” Again, NASA okays it.
Two years later, the shuttle lands and everyone is gathered outside the shuttle to see what each astronaut got out of his personal entertainment. The American steps out and begins discussing major sporting events from the last two years. The crowd cheers. The Israeli astronaut steps out and makes a 10 minute drosho in absolutely perfect aramaic. The crowd doesn’t understand a word of it, but they’re impressed and they cheer.
The Polish astronaut stomps out, clenches the podium until his knuckles turn white, glares at the first row waving a chewed up cigar at them and says:
“Anybody got a match?”
******
A German walks onto a bus with a duck on his head and sits down next to a chasid.
The chasid asks “Where’d you get the pig?”
The German replied “It’s not a pig, it’s a duck.”
Said the chasid, “I was talking to the duck.”
(I thought I saw these here, but can’t find ’em.)