Happygirlygirl: I went to a shiur last night about emotions and why we have them. The rabbi said that some days it’s our emotions that drive us and other days our actions.
For example, some days someone can really feel the actions and motions that come with Yiddishkeit. Those rituals and davening etc kindle the emotions of connecting to Hashem.
Other days someone is really feeling it and does the motions just because.
According to this rabbi, if someone is constantly not feeling emotions, then yes that is an issue that needs to be addressed. This also is true for interpersonal relationships, marriages, and so on in addition to our relationship with Hashem.
It sounds like you are not feeling it. When was the last time that you were into it?
Another thing that the rabbi said: It is okay to live with questions. Like why would Hashem ask this, and why should I do this? His opinion stated that we do some things anyway. To some individuals, maybe that feels like living a lie. It depends. Everyone has unique needs and a different perspective.
Seriously you are welcome here… no judgement, I am not one to judge nor advocate for pushing anything, other than personal growth and a healthy relationship.
Also… what about this whole 70 faces of Torah? How many faces do we see in our communities in real life?