not sorry i asked for a millisecond.
first of all, yasher koach on cancelling your internet and on your goals of cutting back! showing your kids your rules apply equally to you and you are too trying will hopefully show them all how much you care and give them the conviction of how imp this is. esp your sem girl, who sees how you avoid usign your phone when she’s around.
i’m so sorry for what you are strugglign through :(. a simcha without a relative has got to be one of the biggest emotional rollercoasters. brought to mind a memory of my grandfather at the first wedding after my grandmother passed away, walking down to tthe chupa, crying and yet trying not to, trying to focus on the happiness… impossible and yet not a bad thing. to be b’simcha and yet think of those who arent there, and daven to be reunited soon.
oh the protective mode :(. i call it my closed mood. to freeze myself of all emotions. both a lifesaver and a horrible feeling. i cant even imagine how painful the thought of that day is for you, and i can only hope it will turn out easier than u imagine.
you sound like such an amazing mother though, who shows her kids how much she cares for them, and is so concerned for their good.your children are lucky to have you for their mother. your friends sound truly amazing and supportive. and they obviously understand and dont hold it against you at all. the fact that they are reaching out to help shows that there is a deep 2-way kesher. even if u havent attended their simchos, you have clearly been there for them in a deeper way and they sound more than glad to give something back. it may be hard to take when u feel bad abt missing theirs, but it doesnt sound like they hold it against u, but rather want to give! ok enough rambling from me, and i really hope i havent said anything hurtful or thoughtless. please forgive me if i have. i am very sad to hear the pain that you’re going through, esp tough bec of the bar mitzva. iy”H you should keep getting farther and farther away from the abysses i’ve experienced and have much much simcha! i hope the bar mitzva turns out beautifully and that you can truly enjoy it. and may it bring nachas to your sisters neshoma.
i’m sure it wasnt easy to share this all, but thank you for opening your heart to your poetry thread family. we care for you.