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blabla, please don’t hurt yourself. It’s overwhelming and long and such a heavy load, but it will end! You will overcome! it may be taking longer than anyone would want, but each day is another day marked off of the cheshbon. Keep focusing on the sunshine that you know is coming, and believing in yourself! You WILL feel its warmth and see its light, you WILL! It might take another month, or 2, or even 5, but you are getting closer and closer with every hour, every step, walking on to the opening of this dark tunnel. I hope your in touch with kapusta or others who care. (kapusta- that was so special of you! Yasher koach!) Hang in there! Hoping every day is sunnier than the last!