Blabla,
i hear your cry for help. The frustration is evident.
Please! Talk firmly to yourself! You CAN choose. You ARE in control. You CAN change. The only way any person can get out of a situation is by seeing that they have the power to do something about it.
Doing something about it does not mean ALONE. If you feel it’s beyond you it is up to YOU to help yourself in a way that you can.
The FIRST thing to do is to REMOVE the temptation! It’s putting in front of an alcoholist alcohol and telling him not to drink. I know this is extremely difficult. Don’t look at it as an option, there is no choice.
Perhaps you can get a shomer system on your computer or move it into a different room. Remember, this is something YOU CAN DO! And it’s something only YOU can do. There are people out to care and help but at the end, it’s YOU to make that change.
I hope that you can listen to these words, sent with care 😉 May hashem give to you the strength and bless you with happiness.
Whenever you are able to, try to look ahead and see that you CAN emerge out of this as a better and stronger, happier and healthier person. Keep going strong! I’m rooting for you and i understand the struggle in my own little way. You are great and you are going great. You can do it!