Sparkly: Thank you for your input and feedback about your observations. I see what you’re saying. Being otd for a decade, two, or more is a lot of life to live. Furthermore, these 40yo that you know may in fact never return to the derech. Thus you mention it because from the looks of it, there is no way of their ever returning.
That said, IMHO 40yo is the new 25. Okay maybe 30. Meaning, men at age 40 can be at the prime of their careers. Women as well. There is still a lot to conquer. Even if someone doesn’t have a job, or family, depending on one’s surroundings, being 40 is still on the hike up the mountain of life. Later, once individuals have reaped the rewards of living/breathing without the reins of Orthodoxy perhaps.
After one has plateaued at the peak and re-evaluates one’s priorities and desires, outlooks can change. One may look at life like a descent down the mountain. With conscious desire to contribute to the next generation.
I bring up this picture because once I had a college professor explained to us that once he turned 50, his outlook changed. He used to look at life like a mountain. At our age the sky is the limit. There is no limit. We look up the climb and only see the clouds. He used to be that person. Now he sees things downhill. He feels the need to pass on information to the future generations. His life has an endpoint on earth. Thinking about that, he is working backwards to fill his life with meaning.
With that in mind, it was not just this one professor who emphasized this paradigm shift. One’s perception of time changes as one ages. Later in life, one may have more time to contemplate once he or she has been-there and done-that.
A number of long-term goals have hopefully and if so, B”H, been achieved. Now what? Is there a yearning for Hashem? A yearning for the traditions of youth? A realization that one may not be so different than one’s parents. Forgiveness for the derech? A renewed look into Hashem?
Also, illness can also have an affect on one’s desire to connect to the Creator. Whether it is one’s personal battle or seeing a family member or friend in pain, in times of anguish, when one has no control, who does one cry out to? Hashem? And whose Hashem? The Hashem that one was too-cool-for-skool about back in his 40’s when he didn’t need him and could depend on himself and buddies alone? Or the Hashem from childhood that reminds him of his mother?
Because at the end of the day, do we not generally find ourselves needing someone’s unconditional love to comfort us when we need safety, even if it is only a fantasy of it?
I wonder.
Thank you