wolfishmusing, i believe faif un means ‘disobey’ in yiddish.
being sameach chosson v’kalla may be necessary. like i said, everything depends on the person, circumstance, and a whole bunch of factors. its hard to answer a theoretical list.
clearheaded, you said “some following their husban’s directive more and some less”. HUH?? I NEVER heard of a so-called “minhug” of following their husband’s directive less. where do you hear of such nonexistent so-called ‘minugim’?? it is not right to make up a ‘minhug’ to justify something that is being done wrong. you really need to ask a shaila and not be afraid to hear what you rov will pasken.