thank you for your last post, for that was my point. im not really sure what made you think the things in the post above that were mine.
I am not wanting a heter to do something not prescribed. I try not to use heterim in general and say so when i ask shailos. i was speaking on the fault in the attitude of the doer, not foulting what the Torah wants ch”v. What the Torah wants is unwavering regardless of how it makes you feel, but there are those who think that gives free reign to impliment it in ANY fashion even if devoid of the compassion that Chazal DO expect from us.
My example about the table is that I would NOT say to find a way to give the non-jew, and i would NOT chose to not give. But I wouldn’t give it out at THAT table in THAT way with THAT delivery and tell people who disaprove that they are disagreeing with Torah. Some posters would consider that delivery just what Chazal ordered, and while you sound like you wouldn’t, it seems you are misinterpreting the distate of the attributing the behavior to Chazal, as a distate with making people feel bad even when Halachically prescribed.
Do you see what i am saying?