A very fine young man I know well, was being redt shidduchim in the community. I was getting all the “reference” calls about him and his family. People all agreed that he is wonderful, but they had a sensitive question about a family member. I was not comfortable with answering their question directly, but was able to actually turn the negative into a positive. I cannot explain here in this forum, how that was possible, but I was able to do it, especially since I knew this negative had no bearing whatsoever on the wonderful young man’s character, learning, and viability as an appropriate shidduch for some lucky girl.
He did not end up with this girl, but with another terrific young woman. My point is that someone should be very careful with these enquiries, and try to bring out the zechus whenever possible. ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS be sure your information is 100% accurate. And check with a Rov before dispensing potentially unpleasant information.