Just a word in favor of seminary…
I loved my year. I would 100% do it again. I grew in ways that I didn’t even realize until long after I left, and none of it involved brainwashing. I had an amazing time with my friends (and yes, had “chavayot”) while meeting and visiting many families (and buying them hostess gifts…). I learned an insane amount of Torah and gained teachers who continue to inspire me. I’m in college now and wish I were back, and while I was there I was scheming all these different ways that I might not have to go home. But oh well… 🙂
How was my year successful, while many people don’t feel that way about the years that they or their children have? A few reasons I can think of:
1) I chose the seminary that was right for me. It has a certain name- a fantastic one in many ways, but if I had cared about the yeshivish reputation I’d have dropped it like a hot coal. And then I wouldn’t have had the amazing experience I had- and I don’t think it would have happened in other schools (though I could have had an experience that was great in other ways). I picked the school over the rep and it was the best thing I did.
2) Probably the most important- my parents and I were on the same page every step of the way. They were actually the ones who encouraged me to go, so that I could not only learn (as I could do in any country, really) but also to get a year of Eretz Yisrael in a way I would be unable to otherwise in a supervised yet reasonably free framework. They were extremely supportive, especially once I realized how much I wanted it. With my sister, they did not convince her, and she’s working on other ways to go to Israel. We both agreed on the place I would go to, we agreed that I’d arrange to get a year of college credit, we agreed on a budget/spending plan, and we agreed that I would not be doing Shana Bet. They put no pressure on me about reputation, no pressure about shidduchim. And beyond that, once they had checked out their end and set up these ground rules, they were satisfied that they could trust me- which was humbling. They expected me to do the right thing and I hope I did. They knew the hashkafa of my seminary and expected that I had the potential to come out a certain way, theoretically. They knew how much it might cost and prepared for that- and indeed they often had me pay my own way on things they didn’t consider essential. But we were always on the same page, and that’s probably the main reason why we’re all really happy with how it came out.
Nobody has to go to seminary- it is a decision between the parents and, most importantly, their daughter. Everyone should have leeway to choose one way or the other. But to write seminary off as a wasteful extravagance is to write off those who make the decision to send not as a default but as a best option.