BS”D
I received the following from a drinks distributor who is very concerned about underage drinking on Peerim:
“I can provide you with kosher lemehadrin Iranian alcohol free turpentine from the same barrel that Homon drank from before he went up on the 50 amois swing set. $300 a gallon is 20% off the usual price of $200 a gallon and it is under the hashgocho protis of Erev Rav Yishmoel Dovid Weiss and Haham baLeylot Ahmadinejad of Teheran. Please fax as many credit card numbers and bank transfer details to my associate Mgobongo Akadele Prince in Nigeria and I’ll ship 3 gallons out to you in time for you to serve the turpentine at your Purim event. (Yes, turpentine burns and you can use whatever is left to set an insurance fire to cover the cost of the turpentine!)”