BSD (Thanks Smartcookie but I’ll be gone Shushan Purim :))
Kind of an oldie, a rehash of one of the first Creedmoor posts anywhere:
Give your matnois le’evyoinim money to the Federal Koilel Relief Fund:
We provide essential aid such as free 2000 dollar sheitlach, Prada tichlach, Lexus repair and lease payments, new chandeliers, and lavish simchas including simcha outfits to Federal Koilel almonos, meaning women whose husbands are learning in FK and did not leave them with access to the offshore bank accounts, so that they can support themselves and their “yesoimim” with the bare essentials of the pre-Federal Koilel haimish lifestyle.
How often do we hear the cry of a “Federal Koilel yosoim”: “Mommy, Tatty’s partner is out and his son is having a huge Bar Mitzvah because he was smart enough to moiser Tatty!” “All the other girls wear a new Shabbos dress every week and I’ve been wearing the same Prada for 2 months now ever since Abba went away!”
And what of the eishes chayil who is embarrassed to tell her neighbor whose husband is now on trial himself: “Byla, I ripped my Prada tichel last night and Gimpel is in Otisville again! Can’t you lend me one?”
The cries of those who are suffering are heard in the boutiques and department stores, in the car dealerships and at the shaitelmacher’s, where their huge and frequent orders often brought parnosso, cash, no questions asked, to our local merchants which enabled them to keep overcharging the rest of us poor schnooks who pay on credit.
Help these poor children and women whose fathers and husbands have done so much to get their names on the buildings where you daven and learn by sending your matnois le’evyoinim gelt to us.