Holala: I feel for you. It seems you are trapped in a lifestyle that you don’t want to be in. I shudder to think what you are thinking, but alas people from all frum backgrounds, not just rebbish, have been confronted with this problem. One step out of the way and you’re in trouble and you feel as if you do not have a life of your own. Please daven to Hashem for guidance, not for advice here, as some of the posts are making light of the situation. Whatever you decide you need to have the courage of your convictions. Hatzlacha rabbah to you.
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