Thank you charlie brown. I’m glad you can tell when I’m being serious, too.
–Squeak
Squeak, I’m sorry if I offended you when i said I come here for your humor. I very much appreciate your serious posts too and more often than not I agree with you. I just meant that in humor you are in a league of your own. Noone can imitate the sharp one liners that you come up with.
As a reward for the compliment can u please say what the wagon is? 🙂
From her repeated posts it seemed like maybe something was up with the marriage how was I supposed to know otherwise. If there was something wrong, at least I have the guts to tell someone that hey you should open your eyes. Baruch Hashem I was wrong. But Im not going to lie to someone and say no I think its perfectly normal that blah blah blah is going on in your life if I am being asked.
You shouldn’t know of what husbands are up to Lo Aleinu. There was a recent article on YWN about illegal gambling parlors and there are men that are there late at night. You dont think they tell the wife “Honey Im at work?” Or some other b.s.?
–WellInformedYid
I’m sorry of I came across too harsh – it’s obvious that you meant well but it is important that you be aware of the possible consequences of what you say.
I am not too naive to think that nobody does things they shouldn’t do and then tell their wife that they are at work. However for each idiot that does that there are many times as many people who work hard to support their families and don’t do anything like that. I don’t know if its .01% or 5% who go to gambling parlors and say that they’re at work but its certainly nowhere near a majority.
If you knew for certain that someone’s husband was at a gambling parlor then indeed he deserves no mercy – I agree with you on that. But even then I’m not so sure that you should go tell the wife – before wrecking a home I would definitely ask a rav.
But being that you didn’t know that jobless’ husband is not at work – you yourself said that you thought maybe there’s a problem but how could you know otherwise – you have no right to assume he is part of the small minority and not part of the vast majority? Thats what being dan lekaf zchus is all about. And if a husband is completely innocent and you plant doubt in his wife’s mind (which B”H didn’t occur in this case) – you can create real actual shalom bayis issues. The wife will be constantly what-iffing and the husband will resent being suspected.
The same goes for your assuming that working till 4 AM is not normal and that he should be talking to his boss and insisting on coming home earlier. You don’t know that and neither do I. Others have posted here that it is normal for accountants to work such long hours. And you and I don’t know his boss’ temperament and the office politics there. How can we decide that he won’t get fired if he insists on coming home earlier? We can’t. But to cause his wife not to trust him can again cause real issues.
The bottom line is NEVER cause someone not to trust their spouse unless you are really 100% certain that there is a problem and you ask a rav. Again, please don’t take this personally. I realize that you meant well.
Now can I please go back to being a lurker? 🙂