My take?
I also think the changing table would have been the proper option (though I’ve done it DISCREETLY in the provided cradle). But she was TOTALLY out of line, totally. So it wasn’t your husband’s actions that really set it off, it was her. No. There is no shortage of sonei Yisroel. And your retort, while I really don’t think you’d do that in a calm, peaceful atmosphere, was brought upon by her. OK, it was incorrect, but ??? ??? ???? ?? ??? ????, a person cannot be held accountable for something he does under extreme duress, pain. It was some sort of attempt to deflect from your humiliation, mortification. An attempt to “fight back”. I don’t blame you the least.
Think of this episode as another painful galus wound, another tear bringing our geulah closer.