lebidik yankel – I am able to accept those two points as being true simultaneously. I am not sure I agree with you that he harmed me, NOT Hashem. Maybe he ALSO harmed me, maybe he used his bechira to harm me, but Hashem would have protected me if it wasn’t good for me.
moi – I have read his book and i have to say that i have used his books to guide and change my life. But this book doesn’t even address my situation, let alone council it. I was very disappointed. you are 100% correct in your point (his too) that forgiveness does not mean condoning bad behavior, but I think, from what I am learning from feivel and HaLeiVi’s words, that forgiving is not what we think it is.
Forgiveness does not mean forgetting. forgiveness does not mean condoning bad behavior. we are obligated to refrain from negative thoughts toward the person, vengeful thoughts, wishing ill, grudges or sina. Im thinking that being in pain, being cautious, severing ties, and keeping distance are not lack of forgiveness. Sure, that person still has tremendous “control” but I look at that as the offenders problem, not mine. I am not feeling a need to see them pay for their doings. I just think that because the damage was so intense, so severe, and is ongoing, it is not possible to heal from those wounds without time. I just don’t know if I agree with the concept that continued negative responses within me are a sign of lacking forgiveness, or middos, or not doing ratzon Hashem.