anonymisss- I used to feel the same way. But- trust me you need that level of love from Hashem! Without it you’d be lost! And- YOU definitely wouldn’t be YOU! (as per squeak’s post…)
This is an argument of what comes first- the chicken or the egg. We’re all stuck between a rock and a hard place. Because in order to appreciate that love, you need to come closer to Hashem. But- how do you come closer to Hashem if you can’t feel that love?
This is the exact reason why I always say to first JUST DO IT. Do the mitzvah, take on the kabbalah, daven- even if it’s without kavana. Because just by doing Hashem’s ratzon/commandments you will come closer to Him. Then you can begin to feel the good stuff and then you can do the mitzvos with kavanah.