chacham- I understand exactly how you feel, these words could’ve been written by me when I was your age. My advice to you is to find a yeshiva that is not so on top of how you learn. If you can go to e’y then go the Mir and do your own thing. Sure, your friends will make fun of you, some rebbeim will say you’ll never be a talmid chacham, but you’ll know in your heart of hearts that you’re doing the right thing. And in 10 years from now, if you really shteiged, none of your friends will be making fun of you.
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