Why can’t we just all agree that we should try to emulate our Avos and Imahos? Avraham “didn’t know Sarah’s beauty” after years of marriage, until she slightly lifted her dress to step over a puddle and her ankle showed. I’m not saying you should wear dresses that drag on the floor, but it’s obvious that Sarah imeinu felt that even that level of tznius wasn’t over the top. We should try to do our hishtadlus by doing what we are comfortable with, while striving to become better in our yiras shamoim and keeping of the mitzvos. There’s a concept of ‘bare minimum’, which is the line between issur and heter, but that’s not what we should be striving for. I think that’s the root of the problem here. It’s not tznius, it’s that we, collectively (yes, including myself), sometimes take pride in mastering the art of being as goyish as possible without crossing that bare minimum borderline of issur and heter. This isn’t an art, its a boosha.
Interjection, I don’t know your background, or why this is a nisayon for you, but if it’s worth anything, I hope the following gives you some chizuk: Men are attracted to tznius. A lack of tznius causes lust, not love. You can pick which one you’re truly after. The fact that a tznius girl gets less attention and “eyeballing” from the opposite gender, is solely because she is more respectable than the girl who looks like “an easy catch”, not because she is less attractive.