Agree with you, GAW.
In Tzedaka matters, as in all matters of Halacha, AYLOR is best advice.
The vast majority of us have to learn to budget and handle our money carefully, as we don’t have access to unlimited funds. This applies whether we’re buying groceries, sheitels, shoes, planning a vacation (or figuring out if we can afford one), or giving Tzedaka.
I don’t have a problem with people trying to minimize costs of weddings of their own, or of their own children. And I have no problem with people who will give a small amount to someone collecting for Hachnasas Kallah.
At some point I thought I smelled some mean-spiritedness creeping into the discussion and that really bothered me. Whatever we contribute, we should be rejoicing at the prospect of a Yid preparing for a Chassuna. And if he’s not preparing exactly as we would like, then I for one prefer we wish him a hearty Mazel Tov and look away rather than judge and criticize.