yehudayona: The best way to deal with how many people will be at the wedding is like someone else suggested earlier – you pay for whoever you invite and they pay for whoever they want to invite.
If what you CAN afford is not according to their standard you simply have to explain to them that your standard is different and both sides should respect that. If you want a meal plan that involves $60 a person and they want $120 a person then they should pay the difference for each guest you invite in addition to their own. YOU DO NOT NEED A FANCY WEDDING TO HAVE A HAPPY MARRIAGE! If her in-laws will be upset they’ll get over it eventually. Who do you think your daughter and son in-law will appreciate more in the long run, the person who gave her the super fancy wedding or the person that gave her money to survive after her wedding? From your support after the wedding is what will make your son in-law appreciate you and he is certainly going to be your supporter when you have to deal with your inlaws.
Personally, when it’s my kids turn to get married, I will tell my new in-laws, I have X amount of money for the wedding, take it and do what you want with it – beyond that don’t ask me for more because I don’t have it and I cannot afford to take out loans.
The hardest part is to not give in to THEIR requests thinking that it is for the sake of your kids. Don’t make that mistake like so many other parents I’ve seen who did. Sometimes you need to just have the guts and say *no, I’m sorry – I can’t afford it*