A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
— Fred Allen
A diet is when you watch what you eat and wish you could eat what you watch.
— Hermione Gingold
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
— Bill Cosby
An egotist is someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
— Author Unknown
Anything is good if it’s made of chocolate.
— Jo Brand