I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
— Dennis Miller
If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.
— Author Unknown
If you are not living life on the edge then you are taking up too much space.
— Author Unknown
I’m astounded by people who want to ‘know’ the universe when it’s hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person’s plate.
— Dave Barry