Bemused, you ask a valid question, and I have tried to address this on other threads. I normally never give mussar or tochacha to anybody. However, when somebody starts with another person and clearly hurts their feelings, I have no choice. In practically every case here (although not necessarily on other boards), somebody will offer an innocent opinion on some topic, and kannaim will come down and take the person to town.
You practically never see uncivilized behavior here initiated by the more moderate or even left-leaning posters, except when they are first personally attacked. Kannaim constantly overreact to posts that they do not agree with and launch these personal attacks, even though nobody has actually attacked them, just expressed an opinion.
The pattern occurs over and over. Because of a din of rodef, I need to soothe the one who has been attacked, and the only way to do that is to tell them that they have been wronged, although it is also effectively attacking the rodef, as you pointed out.
There are some kannaim here who are careful with bein odom lachaveiro, however, the majority are not. Just like in EY where they throw acid and beat people on buses. It is an entire mindset that must be changed. That is why I rail against it constantly.
I understand the mindset, as I used to be a bigger kannai than these people. But at one point I realized that almost every time I ever got angry or into some kind of major fight with anybody, it was because I thought I was doing some kind of big mitzvah or because of some religious issue. I began to think that this is not what the Torah is all about, and is a perversion. The Torah is only about shalom. The RBSH is an Av Harachaman, and hates this fighting in his name. While there are numerous rayos to this, one of the most obvious is the gemara in Sotah which says that He would rather have His name erased, if it can make shalom between a man and his wife. The meaning is that bein odom lamakom is subordinate to bein odom lachaveiro. We also see this by Avraham where gedolah hachnasas orchim yoser meikabalas pnei hashechinah. Imagine one is in the middle of speaking to Hashem and guests ring the doorbell. You could imagine a whole bunch of kannaim screaming APIKORUS, you interrupt the aibershter for some idol worshipping yo-yo at the door. How dare you!
But in truth the main thing the Aiberhster wants from us is to be menschen to each other. When we scream at each other for his sake, we totally destroy the whole reason for the Torah. It is all about us, it is not about some arrogant, angry G-d who we must constantly give his due praise or he gets furious. Everything he created is for us. Everything he told us to do is for us, so we make the maximum of ourselves, and have the happiest and most fulfilling lives.
There is much more to say, but another time.