ames- all I have to say is: WOW OH WOW! Those were incredibly sincere, open & loving posts. Extremely inspiring- thank you.
Moish- After all that’s been said, there’s not much for me to add except to enforce what squeak mentioned all the way at the end of a post, as a really small point, that really- IS NO SMALL POINT. It’s the basis of all teshuva- “mitoch lo lishma, buh lishmah” Which roughly means- even if we do a mitzva without the right kavanos/correct reasons, it’s best to do it anyway because eventually we will come to doing it properly/for the right reasons/with the correct kavanos. First start to do it so that you get used to doing it, then you can concentrate on the deeper meaning of it.
Somebody please correct me if I explained that wrong.