Oomis, I feel your pain. You must understand that it is not a reflection on you. Time and time again on this board when certain kannaim come out of the woodwork on a particular issue, they say very hurtful and disparaging remarks to others. I hope they will apologize and change their ways. As you pointed out, embarrassing someone in public is far worse than never wearing a hat once in one’s entire life. (Unless someone can show me where it says that one who doesn’t wear a hat has no chelek in olam haba like it does say about one who is malbin pnei chavero. Look, I could be missing a very important chazal.)
I addressed this issue many months ago in various coffee room threads.
After thinking about it, I have come to the conclusion that two psychological factors cause this behavior.
1) These kannaim worship a very angry G-d. One who created the world and gave the Torah with so many details davka designed to trip up people so he can give himself the supreme pleasure of punishing them in all kinds of sadistic ways. (In truth the world was created so G-d could give of his goodness to people, just like we try to do to our children. Ratzah HKBH lzakos es yisroel, lfichach hirbeh lahem Torah umitzvos. Also, as Hillel said, the entire Torah in a nutshell is to treat one’s fellow man kindly.)
2) These kannaim imagine that they have a very unique and high place within this angry G-d’s hierarchy, and they are self-appointed ministers to dispense this angry G-d’s wrath, possibly by virtue of their imagined high-levels of learning. (Here again, they forget a chazal which all the rest of us simple Jews say every week, Talmidei chachamim marbim shalom baolam.)
I and others here have been the target many times of this behavior (including the dedication of an entire thread in our honor about pro-freikeit posters here on YW), but once you realize what generates this behavior, it is rather comical, and you won’t feel as bad as you do now.
In addition, the silliest thing of all, is that those same commentors who accused you of posting without sources, were davka the ones who said the whole issue is “Self-intuitive”, and who seconded that notion, i.e., based merely on their own feelings without any halachic backing.
What is even more interesting is that the Mechaber at first writes that there is an opinion that one should not daven bareheaded, and that there is an opinion that one should not go into a shul bareheaded. That seems to imply that there are other opinions that hold one could theoretically daven or go into a shul totally bareheaded (in theory). He then says that a straw yarmulka is sufficient. The Mishna Berurah’s chumra appears to be based on the styles of his times which were different than in the Mechaber’s times.
One last thought, if Reb Chaim Kanievsky did say one should miss minyan, I would expect a teshuvah with at least six paragraphs.
1) Showing why hat outweighs tefilah betzibbur.
2) Showing why hat outweighs kedushah.
3) Showing why hat outweighs kaddishim.
4) Showing why hat outweighs borchu.
5) Showing why hat outweighs krias hatorah.
6) Even if we prove the above five things individually, we must still prove that hat outweighs the aggregate sum of all of them together.
If such a six-paragraph teshuvah exists I will (figuratively) eat my hat.