cozimjewish – I wasn’t comparing not listening to music to pregnancy. As I clarified above, I was commenting on the potential implications of having a difficult time coping when things are not comfortable or in the preferred state. But I was trying to chose a more social-friendly way of stating it. Didn’t work I guess. And my comment about the mourning wasn’t directed at you, it was just a tongue in cheek response to the comment about keeping things in perspective.
So now that that’s cleared up (?) – I can’t tell if the concept is difficult or if it is just being dissected in the typical CR fashion, but…
Coping is a facinating skill. (I have the pleasure of working with kids who lack this skill and are working on developing it). Being without something; leaving our comfort zone; and being under pressure are all stressors that require us to use our coping skills (or methods). If two different unrelated things both set us off, it does not mean that the two things are related, it just means that they both require us to use our coping skills. Someone MAY be able to draw up the ability to manage in one situation even if they can’t in another situation, but sometimes they can’t. It’s not about what sends you “there”, it’s about what tools you have to get by once you get there. Depravation was the common factor i had in mind, and I believe perspective is 90% of my coping strategy.
Developing a “good reason” for something can really help get thru the stress of it, even if the “good reason” is just that you are doing what you believe is right without knowing why. We may not be able to mourn the bais hamikdash, but we know what mourning looks like and maybe feels like and we can try to internalize the need to mourn for Hashem’s house. The more we see a reason, the easier it is, sometimes, to cope. When I was in availus for my parents I missed several simchas. I had people trying to give me “jobs” and loopholes so I could attend. What they didn’t understand was that I couldn’t even think of attending a simcha. I was barely comfortable at my own son’s bar mitzvah. The closer we get to the source, the better understanding we develop of the things we are experiencing, the more strength we will have to make it through.