yekke2:
The problem with basing an approach to chinuch on a passage from the haggada is that the passage is rather vague and can be interpreted to justify almost any chinuch methodology (depending on how creative you are). I quoted R’ Moshe to demonstrate that there are no klalim.
My personal pshat in the haggada is that it’s not four sons; it’s four parents. Chacham, Rasha, Tam, She’aino Yodeiah Lishol, are how the child responds to each type of parent. If you make the Torah exciting and intellectually stimulating then your kid will ask …?? ????? and you can answer him ?????? ??? – you hock through the sugya with him. If you portray the Torah as a burden then your kid will rebel and complain about the burden (?? ?????? ???? ???). As R’ Moshe writes in Yoreh Deiah 3:71:
???? ????? ??? ????? ?? ?? ??? ???? ???? ???? ????? ????? ?? ?? ??? ????? ???? ????? ?”? ????? ??????? ??? ??? ???? ???? ???? ???? ?”? ?????? ????? ????? ?????? ??? ????? ???? ????? ??? ???? ????? ????? ???? ???? ???? ????? ?????? ??????? ?? ???? ????? ??? ??? ??? ????? ???? ????? ????? ???? ????? ?????? ???? ????? ??? ?? ?? ??? ???? ????? ???? ????? ?? ???? ?????? ?????? ???? ??? ??????? ??? ??? ?????? ???? ?? ?????? ???? ????? ??? ???? ?????? ???? ???? ?
If you don’t provide the intellectual stimulation, nor make it seem like a burden, your kid will just be simple – …?? ???. (Perhaps the response of …????? ?? is to infuse some excitement.) And if you are not actively involved in your kid’s life, he will be indifferent, and not care. To that we tell you ?? ??? ?? – get involved in his life and education.
Interestingly, this is a neat parallel to the four styles of parenting in psychology: authoritative, authoritarian, permissive, and uninvolved.