DaMoshe,
he said to me, “I would love to hear you daven for the amud. Unfortunately, it won’t happen. I asked the gabbaim this morning and they won’t allow it, because you wear a kippah srugah.”
This is very unfortunate, and must have made you feel very excluded from your cousin’s community. On its face, it seems to me that your cousin spoke rechilus. I cannot see any possible good reason for him to repeat to you what the gabbai said. You apparently did not ask to daven from the amud at his shul, and you in all likelihood would have been content simply to go and daven with your cousin. In his attempt to compliment you, your cousin ultimately drove a wedge between you and his shul and community.
This was a very large shul in Lakewood. Is this achdus???
To address the shul’s policy and achdus – I would imagine that the shul has a policy that any shaliach tzibbur wear a hat and jacket, and the gabbai (assuming he said exactly what your cousin repeated to you) erroneously and insensitively extrapolated that kippa sruga wearers don’t wear hats and jackets, so they cannot daven for the amud.