I quickly skimmed through this thread, and now want to add my 2 cents.
I agree with some posters who said that people come back from yeshiva/seminary brainwashed into thinking a kollel lifestyle is the only option that is “right”. I have no problem with someone sitting and learning – with a few caveats. First, they should come to that choice on their own, not be pushed into it. Second, the husband MUST have some means of supporting a family when the time comes.
In the Ketubah, it says the husband will provide for his wife. Yes, the wife can choose to work so the husband can learn. But what happens if she decides it’s too much for her, and needs him to work? Does the husband then decide to go to school for a degree? You’re then looking at college bills when you’re already paying rent/mortgage, for diapers (possibly), food for a family, and possibly even tuitions! Not to mention that the schooling can take a few years! If a husband doesn’t fulfill the ketubah, the wife has the right to ask for a divorce! Is that what we want?
A man should have the means to support a family. Once he has that in hand, he can go learn if he wants. But he needs something to fall back on!
A good friend of mine learned in kollel for a number of years, until his wife told him, “I’m working 2 jobs, we have 3 kids, and I’m burned out. It’s time for you to help out!” He immediately enrolled in school for the next semester, and found a job in the meantime. The job was ok, it brought in some money, but not enough – it was supposed to help him out while he was in school. But you know what? He was paying a mortgage, 2 tuitions, and day care. It wasn’t enough. He went to our Rosh Yeshiva, R’ Bender shlita, and asked him, “Why didn’t you warn us? Why didn’t you tell us how hard it would be? We were told to sit and learn in kollel, that it’s the best option. Now look where I am! My wife is ready to have a nervous breakdown, I’m not far behind, and I have 2 years before I finish my degree! You need to tell people the reality of what a kollel life is like!”
R’ Bender agreed with him, and told him it’s one of the biggest problems in the yeshiva world today – that they purposely don’t tell the bachurim that, for fear of scaring them away from the kollel life.
Just to note, R’ Bender is amazing at helping out these families. I won’t go into details, but he provides tremendous assistance to the people in his kollel, when they decide it’s time to go to school so they can support their families.