Many girls do no want to eat while first meeting that’s the facts – of course there are exceptions and anyone who dates out of a small playbook is often going to lose. Excluding the exception of the rule, there is also a certain relaxiveness necessary to eat in an enjoyable way- you can find this out by going on an awkward shidduch date to test. Even a person that you want to date again – still might NOT be a great companion to break bread just yet.
The first date is to break the ice.
Three keys that I have randomly assembled –
Don’t go too far.
First dates should last for as little time as possible. The time of the date should be for talking – not analyzing maps. Of course going two blocks from her house is a bad idea. But go to the next community over, a nice coffee house, a tznius hotel lobby/loung, a park, ice cream. Whatever. The main thing is not to interfere with the analysis of can we shmooze and get along. If you talk for 6 1/2 hours – great. But even if she is your beshert – a 5 hour voyage might be counterproductive as she probably has school or work the next day and you have to wake up for shacharis.
Don’t stand out.
Does the car have to be fancy? No. A jalopey? No. Simple. Make sure there is nothing major that stands out negatively, but you don’t have to impress. Save awesome date ideas and the steaks for later.
Start & end strong.
A date is like game in a way. Unless you are having a sit-in and are a chassid (all for it!), you are playing a few rounds before you “win.” Then you have to play for rest of your life. Not everything said nor done will be perfect. Have a solid start. Smile, come up with a few lines to start that are solid [ see 2 – don’t impress – but have a few “I am nice and normal” comments ready to go]. End strong – even if the date is not working out -end it like a mentsch. Don’t rush back to your car, don’t drive away until she is inside.
Hatzlacha,
and if you do go out to eat – make sure it’s not messy BUT don’t eat a sandwich with a fork (guilty – see no. 2 again).
DQB