i got this today and i was ROTFLMKO. (warning, its long)
Summary andYichus: Father is a yeshiva educated day trader who learns two daily sedarim in BMG; has been previously investigated by FBI for fraud but never did any jail time; big baal tzedaka who has been honored by BMG twice; mother is a retired BY teacher; youngest child with four brothers and 11 sisters all living off of the Lakewood General Fund and mechutanim from Brooklyn; other pedigree relatively clean, except for a 4th cousin, once removed who attended YU and is now a successful Ophthalmologist in Teaneck
Parents looking for: solid learner from Brisk or Lakewood with neither a history of college nor foreseeable parnassa plans who will sit in Kollel indefinitely; she is looking for the same; father willing to support 10 years @$75k per year, pending no stays in Otisville
Shadchan: Mrs. Goldberg of Lakewood (25% commission)
Dating History: has gone out a few times with no measurable success; feedback from Mrs. Goldberg points to her having the charisma of a carrot
Photo: yearbook picture available if requested through Torah channels
Education
K-12: Bais Yaakov of Lakewood
Seminary: BJJ
Post-Seminary: Online program to obtain teaching certificate from Torah Umesorah
Work Experience
1996-1998: Counselor in several backyard camps in Brooklyn and Lakewood
Hanhagos and Opinions Checklist (Based on Interview with Shadchan)
Tehillim: completes Sefer once a week while standing in line at Jewish stores
Posek: Rav C. Kanievsky or Rav Elyashiv if his line is busy
Indian Hair Sheitels: only if on sale
Seat Belt Use: No, unless pulled over by a female Police Officer
Hobbies: reading Artscroll biographies, Yated, Hamodia, and Mishpacha; challah baking; asking shailos to Gedolim about her shidduch difficulties
Her Preferred Dating Venue: Airport lounges without visible TV monitors
Shabbos Table: White table cloth, no plastic covers, no ground beef or plate scraping at the table
Would be willing to live in: Lakewood, Brooklyn, Monsey, Passaic (or Baltimore for a few years)
Music Preferences: Yeshiva Boys Choir; no more Lipa, Schwecky, or Carlebach
Ideal Chesed Opportunities: helping put out cold beer and cholent at neighborhood Shalom Zachars; assisting with mass mailings from Oorah and Kupat Hair