It is said that the ability to make and understand PUNS is the
highest level of language development.
OK, so let’s go!
Here are the top 10 winners in the International Pun Contest.
1. A vulture boarded an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.
The Stewardess looked at him and said: ‘I’m sorry, sir,
only one carrion allowed per passenger’.
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
The one turns to the other and says, ‘Dam!’
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly,
so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly,
it sank, proving once again that
you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet.
One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’
The other says, ‘Are you sure?’
The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’
5. Did you hear about the
Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?
His goal: To transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and
were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them
to disperse. “But why” they asked, as they moved off.
‘Because,’ he said, ‘I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.’
7. A woman had twins and gave them up for adoption.
One of them went to a family in Egypt and was named Ahmal.
The other went to a family in Spain; they named him Juan.
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she told her husband that she wished
she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responded,
‘They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.’
8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments,
so they opened a small florist shop to raise funds.
Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of G-d,
a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair.
He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.
He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him.
So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most
vicious thug in town to ‘persuade’ them to close.
Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d be back
if they didn’t close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that:
only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi,as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and,
with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him [Oh, man, this is THE one that is SO BAD, it’s good]
a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
10. And, finally:
there once was a person who sent ten different puns to friends,
with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.