My parents are divorced. As I am looking for my shidduch, I have had to seriously think about what I need in a marriage as opposed to what my mother would want. Part of the hishtadlus was that since I have been entertaining the idea of shidduchim for over a year that I made sure to find a family that I could get close with. What I saw in their home as time went on is that they were not happily married but felt stuck together.
Although I no longer really speak to this family, I discovered that issues that will come up in the home like hashkafic differences, mental health issues/other medical issues such as asthma (there are certain types of illnesses that I can’t have a spouse with, but for most other cases, he really needs to be someone who is committed to working through them), differing backgrounds, upbringing, how you raise your own children and even how you form relationships with other people should be factors used to determine who you end up getting set up with.
After I realized that, I ended up really changing my hashkafic and pretty much my entire shidduch criteria because I realized that in real life, making the initiative is always more important than the end result.