“At the same time, I am recognizing that I, and others who through chasdei Hashem have been blessed with our own families, should do our best to make singles feel like important, valued members of klal Yisroel.”
GAW: I think that the use of the words “make singles FEEL like…” shows the attitude, even unconscious, about single people. I don’t mean to imply that you meant anything negative by it, my point merely being that this shouldn’t be something we have to try to do or hope to convince them of because it’s not true. It is by default, in fact.
And yes, I agree with PAA and believe it’s society. I’m not talking about mean or even thoughtless comments- I’m talking about the way that society is set up. It’s like that letterwriter in Mishpacha said about how if people believe Mr Rechnitz’s statistics (I don’t, but whatever) then they should stop teaching about marriage so much, because of all of the focus and pressure on people who may never get married at all. Perhaps it’s something built into frum culture- I guess that due to the importance of children and families in frum culture, it’s harder for people who aren’t part of it. But it’s DEFINITELY part of the culture, if only because there simply is not a lot of infrastructure for singles. I repeat, I’m NOT talking about careless insults- I’m talking about structural issues. The hyper-focus on marriage (even well-meaning) can certainly hurt those who are not married.
PAA: The thing is, she could have said that this doesn’t apply to nonmarried women (which I admit would simply have caused more questions, but when you’re a teacher that’s what you’re stuck with). Trying to get creative doesn’t really help.