I’m reading through this thread (recently linked in PAA’s glitch thread), and, ironically, I find myself agreeing with his perspective more than the others’, but I would take it a step further.
First, there are at least three issues brought here:
1) Why there is support altogether (this is the one PAA was discussing).
2) Why the burden falls on the girls’ parents. I don’t like popa’s reason, but I don’t have a better one, and although probably society should make a change, individuals need to deal with reality.
3) To quote the OP, “why is the guy so choshuv that he can demand 30 GRAND YES 30 GERAND, WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS?????????????!!!!!”.
I will address #3 together with #1.
Now, this is my perspective, (which I am NOT trying to thrust on anyone else), and I think it is the perspective of many parents who plan to support.
I think PAA is correct that I get s’char for my support, but the question remains, why my son in law? Why not pick out the finest needy talmidei chachomim to support (as many in fact do)?
I think the answer is that I am making an investment in my future doros. I think I am increasing the chance of having future generations who are b’nei Torah by having my daughter marry a man who desires to spend years dedicated to learning, especially if he’s able to do so.
It’s not a guarantee, and many who don’t learn in kollel will raise generations of ehrlich Yidden b’nei Torah. I still think it’s a good investment, especially given the circumstances and nisyonos of the times we are living in.
Not because he deserves it; because I want it.
So if my daughters want to marry kollel men, it would be my privilege to do my part to help, if be”H I am able.