Wow Popa. not sure where you’re going with this.
hodulashem –
You see, there are two types of working guys:
1. Fully machshiv learning, but has decided not to do so full time. This would be due to reasons of hashkafa, temperament, or inability. You’d be looking for the former, or some combination.
2. Those who’re pulled elsewhere. Other values are competing for their attention.
In today’s Yeshiva system, like it or not, you aren’t getting too many of the former. Even someone not so able or “made out for it” will likely pursue it for at least some time. (Perhaps due to societal expectations, perhaps unfortunately.) And to buck the system due to one’s personal hashkafos… not so common. Even in the Yeshivos that have catered in the past to college are turning more and more to the “right”.
So too some extent you’re right for questioning why the good capable boy isn’t in Beis Hamedrash. On the other hand, the boys you’re looking for do exist, so…
Practically: many girls I “know” in exactly your situation end up changing their tune somewhat, and marrying a boy who will learn “short term”. they just weren’t finding the seriousness and frumkeit elsewhere.
And you know what? Why weren’t they interested in that in the first place ? Of course it’s easier to start pre-med at 21 (or whatever). But hishtadlus is very grey, and not to be overdone. A couple of years of learning is very feasible for the majority of couples, and carries so many wonderful benefits, totally separate from the “learn as long as you can” attitude and lifestyle.
And I know MANY boys in shiduchim who are from the “learning camp”, with many of the ma’alos associated, who know that for whatever reason they won’t be learning long-term.